So.... It's been a minute. I come with bad news. This guy I really like has been banned from texting me... His parents said it was innapropriate. I don't know how- but I choose not to dwell on it for too long. I really want to throw myself out of my window. I know it's bad, but I've been really depressed lately and the only thing that's been making me feel better has been texting him. Getting good morning texts, random texts checking in on me, telling me to be careful because the weather will be bad, fake arguing over what fruits are good, sharing school work, getting goodnight texts. Him randomly texting to say thank you for random stuff. He makes me happy. Since he's mostly away at college I can't see him every weekend, so I'm glad when he texts. To be banned from texting is so dumb to me. What could we possibly do thats so wrong. We're both legal adults. He's literally in his last semester. UGH. I really really really really really need to just like jump off a cliff to my death or something. I realize I'm doing too much but like texting him every day kept me getting up in the morning, trying to do good and stuff.
I feel like I'm just not meant for love. I was scared to really like him anyway, so I held off letting myself really enjoy his company. It was only like a week ago that I let myself be open about my feelings. But now suddenly, once I admit I like him, I can't speak to him anymore, I can't see him anymore, like...? I had a pretty rough start this morning and the one thing I was looking forward to was playing a game with him when I got home. Now, im menstruating right now, so that rough start already made me cry twice. Then suddenly he texts me like, "so bad news".............. great! Like its not his fault at all, but it makes me not want to EVER like anyone religious. This is dumb. I'm gonna go cry maybe. I alreayd cried a third time after I found out. Maybe I should just kill myself. Like I would. I just dont wanna seem like an obsessive loser lol. Also, ive already tried like three or four times, and I kinda suck at it. Crazy how people die every day to dumb shit but I can't die when I want to.